Cycling Monologues No 10 – The Charity Rider

“So anyway are you going to sponsor me then I’m doing this Marie Curie Cancer ride London to Paris three days 100 miles a day it’s going to be amazing I’m hoping to raise £500 of course the ride is costing £450 but that’s still £50 that goes to charity there’s a big group of us are you doing the Prudential Ride that’s an amazing event I’m doing it for Scope no I don’t know what they do either but it’s a charity and I like their colour it’s like yellow or is it green I’m not sure you get a special jersey I’ve got a big collection of them and they have their own feed stations which the Oxfam riders can’t use I did London to Amsterdam earlier in the year I raised like £100 then but that was a nightmare we stayed in these crummy hotels and the van carrying our bags broke down and the food was shit no I don’t remember the charity Shelter maybe, something Third World anyway I tell you they’ve got to get their act together I wouldn’t ride for them again there’s loads of them though I’m thinking of doing Cuba next year 10 days that’s going to be really hard it’s for Save the Children I think something like that who cares anyway they’re all the same are you going to sponsor me then I bought the Live Aid single but not the American one the song was rubbish or the re-release I mean how many versions do you need it’s a lot of training but I mean I always wanted to go to Cuba I tried for Vietnam for Mind but you had to raise like a thousand quid or something that’s just mental, oh 10p a mile would do that would cost you £30 oh come on that’s nothing to you you’ve just bought a new Colnago some people have got nothing you know, God people can be so selfish, are you doing Hell of the Ashdown that’s for charity I think or maybe not, I don’t know, no I’m not doing it I’m not paying that even if it is for charity you’ve got to be joking you can pay me later I’ve got a Just Giving page I’ll give you the address and you’ll get a thank you email are you a taxpayer they get a tax credit if you are oh you’re unemployed I didn’t know that maybe there’s a charity for unemployed people I’ll do one of their rides you could sponsor me oh sorry.”

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