Cycling Monologues No 11 – The Commuter

“So anyway I’ve been commuting for about 5 years now I love it I must have saved a fortune on train fares over that time, of course I’ve spent a fortune on bike stuff but it doesn’t compare, you see some right idiots on the road now you don’t have all that hassle with the trains and delays and not getting a seat, no it’s not dangerous at all not if you know what you’re doing, course I’ve had my share of accidents, broken collarbone twice, nose, wrist, hip, thumb, God knows how much road rash bruises, cuts, grazes, abuse, who hasn’t, the Old Kent Road is a nightmare maybe you get used to it, course you’ve got all the bike lanes now I don’t use them myself they get too crowded too many bloody cyclists you want my opinion it’s different if you know what you’re doing I mostly use my hybrid now you need a bike designed for the task, locking it is the problem I’ve had two bikes stolen, bastards, I’ve got this like massive chain now and a kryptonite lock weighs a ton, cost a fortune but it’s worth it, you’ve got to have decent lights and it’s a pain when it rains and it’s cold but you get used to it I suppose I’m lucky I can shower when I get to work otherwise it’d be a right pain I always go the same route so I can Strava it and test myself it doesn’t half make your legs stronger Sydenham Hill is the worst they say but you get used to it but you don’t really lots of people don’t like Hyde Park Corner but I don’t see what the problem is, it’s the riders who go through red lights and ride on the pavement give us all a bad name I hardly ever do that uber drivers and white vans are the worst, knights of the road they call themselves, wankers if you ask me I can’t stand couriers with their poncey narrow handlebars and no brakes and stupid ponytails and beards and tattoos they’re a nightmare I used to be a courier but I stopped, I used to ride with this bloke but now it’s just me I get lonely if I’m honest with you I need to get some better lights you’re better off not using clip-less pedals it’s safer, God it was so cold yesterday I thought I’d freeze to death and some bus driver nearly knocked me off I’m hoping to stop soon I’m getting too old catch the train instead hope I can still afford it I need new tyres I can’t afford them I hate it really.”

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