Cycling Monologues No 7 – The Track Rider

“So anyway you should do the accreditation it’s only 4 sessions if you do it at Herne Hill that doesn’t cover the Olympic circuit or vice versa no I don’t know why not maybe because one is inside and the other outside you don’t need a track bike of your own you can hire one but obviously it’s nice to have one I got mine off Ebay this bloke only used it once so he said anyway but it’s much safer if no-one has brakes then there’s no sudden stopping of course you’ve got to put brakes on for the road or have a different bike so you put the track bike in the car which is a pain if you don’t have a car no it’s not boring at all you might think it’s just going round in circles all the time which it is of course but there’s loads to learn I mean if I can do it anyone can right ha ha, you should try it they do these races you know devil take the hindmost and the kirin I don’t know what that is and the omnium that’s like a bit of everything and the sprint of course and just you know races yeah those Derny bikes they’re weird aren’t they I don’t know why they look like that tradition I suppose it’s real skill riding one of those you learn how to do a track stand that’s where you sit still well stand really on the bike without moving I keep on falling off but you get there in the end so they tell me you should go to a meet it’s fun the Ghent six day races are amazing they last for like six days and they have this amazing Belgian beer which is like 12% alcohol or something it tastes like shit but it don’t half blow your head off you can stand in the middle the pit they call it the atmosphere is amazing people are like being sick on you and everything and some Dutch bloke pisses in your pocket it’s just like a Millwall game ha ha I think Wiggo has a good chance in Rio but I’m not sure about Cav he may not even get picked that’d be a shame I’m hoping to try out the Manchester track next week-end did you go to the Old Ports track day that was amazing Herne Hill was used in the 1948 Olympics did you know and Eddy Merckx rode there and Coppi and Wiggo and Graeme Obree tried out for the hour record there not at the same time of course I’m entering a vets race next week-end you can use your road bike during the week just try it out you’d love it why don’t you come down.”

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