Cycling Monologues No 16 – The n + 1

“So anyway they say that the ideal number of bikes is n + 1 where n is the number you have already I mean everyone wants another bike don’t they I’ve got 4; a Bianchi, a mountain bike, an old steel bike and my Boardman which is like my winter bike but I really fancy one of the new Giants I’m gonna have to talk to the wife they say that the correct number is s – 1 where S is the number at which the wife would divorce you I don’t know why it’s not n also would make more sense you want my opinion but it isn’t there’s people in the club have got like loads more bikes than me I don’t know how they manage it I mean you’ve got to store them somewhere I fancy a Colnago or a another Bianchi or maybe a fixie and a Brompton and a touring bike I fancy going touring I could go touring on the Boardman I suppose but it’s not set up right you’ve got to have the right kit of course the more bikes you’ve got the more saddles and pedals and shit you need I suppose you could just have like one saddle and set of pedals and swap them over I mean you can only ride one at a time can’t you but who wants to do that I certainly don’t but that bumps up the cost I ought to sell one really but which one I mean I like them all perhaps the wife would buy me one for my birthday I read a review of the new Focus with disc brakes I fancy trying disc brakes they say they’re the next big thing there’s some bloke in the club has a couple of Canyons which he swears by but I’m not sure I’ve read some horror stories about their customer service and they’re German of course not that that’s a problem but still, I might get a TT bike and do some TTs or a tandem that would be fun but you need the space and a partner it’s not so easy I don’t really get out on my bikes much now I don’t really have the time but they’re nice to have I fancy one of those Pinarellos that Sky used on the cobbles with the suspension that looks great I need to talk to the wife I fancy another bike you can never have too many they say that Robin Williams had 50 that’s maybe too many I wonder if that’s n but I don’t think that’s why he killed himself.”

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