Cycling Monologues No 3 – The Rapha Rider

“So anyway I just bought this Rapha top in the sale I know it’s expensive even in the sale it was like 80 quid but it’s made from this amazing fabric which is almost like waterproof and it’s so soft here feel it, no go on I mean it’s got this reputation but really you should look beyond all that snobbery if it’s good enough for Sky right and oh God I got these amazing shoes which are made from like yak or is it kangaroo or marmot leather one of them anyway and they’re made by Giro but they’re Rapha really if you know what I mean and the packaging and everything is just brilliant you get a postcard in the box and the receipt comes in a special black envelope which you can almost frame if you want and all this tissue paper and that pink colour it’s not gay at all well I don’t think so it’s really cool have you been to their cafe it’s in Soho they’ve got kit on sale well some of it it’s all sold out and they’ve only got like small sizes left ‘coz all the fat guys from the City in their suits and that have bought it all they do great coffee and berries and seeds and shit and there’s cycling on the television I think they’ve got one of those old French vans Citroen maybe it’s right in the shop dunno why, looks cool though, they’ve started a club you know it’s 200 quid to join but they have chapters all over the world like the Hells Angels so if you go to like Osaka or Sydney or Singapore or somewhere you can join their rides if you’ve got a bike of course, I’ve tried Assos and Castelli but really this stuff is better and I think black is a really cool colour it’s the new black ha ha they’ve finished their sponsorship of Sky what’s that all about then I’d like to book one of their trips which cost like thousands they do casual clothing as well and books and bags and stuff you don’t have to have a beard but it helps ha ha you should get some of their stuff of course 150 quid for a top is a lot of money but it lasts for ages apparently, personally I love it don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it I always say I just bought a new Sky top and gloves and socks in Sky colours that’s all bloody wasted now isn’t it I wonder if I’ll get my money back they say Vulpine is better but I’m not sure or Aldi maybe I hate Rapha.”

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