Cycling Monologues No 1 – The Time Triallist

“So anyway the season is starting soon I’m starting with the 10 on the G17 course down at Broadbridge I’m hoping for a PB I hate all those roundabouts getting up at 4.30 in the morning I love it you get it out of the way and the rest of the day is free to go cycling I’m getting a new bike this year a Dolan it gets great reviews I’ve been using that Planet X Exocet you know like the missile ‘coz it goes like a missile ha ha I’m doing the 25 then they’re booked right through until October I fancy doing a 100 but not a 12 hour the 12 hour is mental just soul destroying I’ve got a new aero helmet that can save like a minute over the hour and some shoe covers that can save like 30 seconds over the hour it all helps it’s all about seconds the position is the hardest thing but you’ve got to get as aero as possible wind resistance is your big enemy they say that 80% of your effort on the road goes to overcome wind resistance I’m doing the Medway 2 up course you really need to know your partner the Duo is a fabulous event even if you don’t like time trials you’ll love it it’s in Normandy, France and it’s the only event where pros get to compete with amateurs or vice versa, I know the letters and numbers G17 thing is confusing you know why that is don’t you it’s because the events started in secret ‘coz you couldn’t race on open roads even though it’s not a race really you’re only competing against yourself and trying to get a PB but it is a race really there’s always someone who has the fastest time it’s usually Tadros or Steve Dennis no I’ve never won, 20 bloody years I’ve been doing this and never won but it’s not a race, Wiggo turned up at an open 10 last year there’s some video on You Tube check it out when the weather’s bad it’s rough and then if you puncture that’s the worst you’re in the middle of bloody nowhere it’s freezing cold and 6.30 in the morning when you could be in bed with the wife and you’re trying to fix a puncture with frozen hands and the wind cuts through your skin suit I hate it to be honest with you but what can you do it gets me out of the house so the wife says I’ve got all my times in this little black book do you want to have a look no go on this will be the last season I think I’ve had enough have you done the G17 course what was your time no it’s not a race I’m just interested is all my back is killing me you’ve got to be aero there’s some video on You Tube of some bloke riding along and he’s all bent over and aero and his back is dead flat and there’s a bottle on his back and it stays there for miles it’s amazing that’s how you need to be but I can’t do that any more I’ve had enough my back is killing me I’ve got these almost new Zipps never raced or rallied d’you fancy them cost me 2 grand yours for 1250 go on it’s a bargain they’re going on Ebay otherwise.”

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